The first thing I want to do is define waterfall.
Waterfall is top-down project management.
What does this mean in relationship to parenting?
Waterfall parenting is the I’m the parent and I know best so you do what I say approach to parenting. It’s the type of parenting that says I’m not going to take any feedback from my children and change, because I know the best path.
What’s the problem?
The problem I find with waterfall parenting is that there is often a lack of communication as to why rules are a certain way. Also, I find that there is little communication about how to do household tasks but there is a high expectation that they will be done to certain specifications by a certain time or ELSE.
What is Agile?
Agile project management is an iterative approach to managing projects it focuses on continuous releases and incorporating feedback.
What does this mean in relationship to Agile parenting?
This means EVERYONE is involved in most decisions. Obviously, you will do this at developmentally appropriate levels. When you have younger children, you may want to ask them things like where can I put the laundry basket so you’ll put your clothes in it? Older kids may need to be hit with harder questions. Both should be able to give feedback on what they think is or isn’t working in your family at the moment.
For example, we learned from my child that taking away a few minutes of tablet time wasn’t working, because it wasn’t enough to change undesirable behaviors such as completely ignoring one’s parents.
When you are being Agile though, you will want to gather a list of projects that will work for each member of your family and ask them exactly what they need those projects to do.
For instance, we had an entryway that needed a manageable solution to keep clutter off the furniture AND be able to be used by everyone. This meant finding a shelf to hold shoes that would be reachable for the children. We needed hooks for the adults to hang jackets and backpacks so that they also didn’t clutter the furniture and floor.
This was the first iteration. The MVR [minimum viable result] if you will. We knew we’d iterate on it later. Eventually, we know that we will want backpacks to be at the level the kids can reach as would be preferred by them and require less intervention from me.
Along every step of the way we ask each member of the family what Must be included in a project. What Should be included in a project. What Could be included in a project. What Won’t be included in a project via the MoSCoW method.
Agile parneting requires thoughtful conversation about the issues that come up in your house. This could be a change of job, a big move, or even something like will your child join a traveling sports team.
In Agile, I find that we open up waves of communication that were not available to us previously, and we learn a lot about our children’s wants and needs.
When I changed where the laundry hamper lived, despite whether it looked good, the children started to put their clothes in it 90% of the time without a request from me. 90% is pretty good.
So remember waterfall is top-down and Agile is a collaborative effort.
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